stress

Depressing Mind

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There are times when I can’t enjoy things. Sometimes I’m just sad or depressed. Often not really knowing why. It can be something what have happened or what didn’t happen. These time can be consuming mentally and socially. And even if I knew what the problem is there I have no strength to make the changes needed to ease the burden. I have no diagnosed depression or any mental illnesses that I know of. But I believe that there are times in everyones lifes when they feel depressed. Often these times comes with big changes in life. Some are positive changes and others are negative. 

Positive changes can be new job, marriage, having a baby or finishing school. Every one of  these life events can trigger some  sort of chaos in mind. New things bring stress with it, new responsibilities and maybe the need to learn new skills. 

Negative changes and events too much work, financial problems, include unembloyment, accidents, sickness, divorce, forceful moving to a different city (a problem often overlooked by parents when moving with children), death of a relative. All these events cause a injury in mental health. It’s not like a broken leg, which you could see, but never the less mind is broken. Mind needs time to heal. Many times talking is one of the best treatments for mental injuries. 

Mental stress stack up like being covered with dust. At first you might not even notice it but as time goes and more mental stress comes you find yourself sad, powerless and depressed. And maybe you don’t know why. Sadness comes and goes and it’s part of life. It just can be so overwhelming. I just hope we could take the time to process the changes and crisises and to mourn our losses. I hope we could understand that our minds needs to be taken care of just like our bodies. 

There are ways to prevent too much mental stress and to ease the mind from stress. About that later.

What do you think? Do you have same kind of feelings?

The constant fight between being enough and getting better

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There are two sides fighting in me all the time. I do tell people who visit me and need advice or help in their lifes that their life as it is is precious and enough. But when I look a me, in the other hand I think that I’m enough, but in the other hand I need to get better. Better as an artist, as a man, as a husband, as a parent, as a friend, as a musician or a singer as a choir leader. I have this need to get better or be better or do better. I do believe that the need to do better makes me better but I do want to think that where I am no, is fundamentaly enough. That is what I want to message other people too. They are enough.

There is always a possibility to get better or be more or do more. Sometimes I tend to try too much and be too much or I do too much to get better in a short amount of time. It can be very stressful. That’s why I write this post. So this over-achieving could slow down. In me and maybe in others who need to slow down a little. I know that there is so much to do in life and so little time. There is always tomorrow or next year. Well when you start thinking that way you may drift to procrastination and that’s no good either. There have to be a balance. But how to achieve that. And now I start to think how to rest most effictively so I could do more work and gain best results. That’s no good.

Being enough as a person and doing enough with the strenght you have should be enough. You should be enough for the people around you and for the rest of us too. Developing your skills and craft and working hard should be something you really want and it shouldn’t be a measurement for how good person you are. There is this constant fight going on still. Even in something what I think of fun time and leasurement like gaming have achiements and skill development.

There has to be a time and place for total relaxation. A state of mind when you don’t have to do anything or have to look after anyone or have any responsibilities what so ever. I really see difficulties to get this state especially with single-parents who have small children or with people who have many responsibilities in work and other parts of their life, like taking care of their parents. It’s like a rubber band which is constantly streched and never released, it’ll eventually break.

I hope everyone have the opportunity to have responsibility-free time and if you know someone who hasn’t please help them out. Sometimes you only need a little help to carry on with daily chores.

Other thing that helps to get away from responsibilities and stress is other people. It’s easier to relax when you are surrounded with a group of friends. This is why I really encourage my wife to go out with her girlfriends. It’s really important to loosen that rubber band occasionally. If your friend or loved one is really stressed and don’t have the strength to go out and hang with friends, please advice her/him to go anyway. It’s usually refreshing especially when you have small children in the house.

It’s sometimes difficult to find that balance between knowing you are enough the way you are and trying more and getting better at doing your stuff. It sure is important to say to people that they indeed are important and to think that you are important too.

Two step solution for your problems

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My day job is all about listening. I listen about difficulties in life, finance, mental illnesses, family, parenthood, relationships, faith, crisis and many other topics which troubles people. I have found the best way to help people. I’ll reveal it to you. It’s no magic but it’s certainly difficult to master. It’s a two step solution for many problems. This is one thing everyone should learn at least a little. I talk to people who has no other place to go to talk. Maybe they have difficulties to get to know people, or have so hard times that they don’t have the strenght to see other people. Or maybe they have issues in mental health like fears or anxiety. I try to help everyone who need help. But what’s the best help I can give. I’m not trying to be any better than these people I see. I’m not trying to say that I’m something excellent and above others. I just want to give you an advice to help others. 

Troubles in life come to all of us. Troubles in life don’t ask and don’t make an appointment. Troubles come and make life difficult or nearly impossible to bear. When troubles start to stack, then a person can be emotionally and psycically drained. Then he/she is in a state where things are difficult and there is no strength to do something about them. What to do then?

We live in a world where almost everybody can contact someway to millions of people in the world. Well it’s technically possible. People still have to learn to do it and aqcuire the equipment to do it. And there is many people who can’t see, hear or are in a state where reaching out can’t be done. And there is this one thing: “am I enough, why would people care about me”. If relatives don’t care why would total strangers care. Loneliness is my peoples common sickness. People are so alone and the loneliness can’t be undone by reading posts in social media. 

The people I see are commonly lonely. Not always alone. You can be lonely in a crowd. They are alone with their difficulties. No one listen, really listen. People can say that they have difficulties in releationships or parenting or finance to their friends. But rarely you can really say everything. And this is say from my own experience and in the context I live in. You may have totally different point of view. 

Many worries in life can be solved with a simple thing. And this is the key. This is the thing I’m been holding you here. The following has to happen in a trustworthy environment, preferably in a quiet and closed room with no interuptions. 
1. The one who has problems: talk and trust the listener!

2. The one who helps: listen and never ever judge!
After doing this you may have the same problems but they are in the right proportions and you find new ways to tackle them. The trust is very important and not judging is equally very important. There is many things that require more guidance and you should seek help for those if needed. If this is helpful to you please share the knowledge. Of cource you may ask for more information here.